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Cyfnos, Christian, it's so nice to read your words again, to feel the clarity of them. I've missed you, and I've missed being here. (I get that you might not remember me, and that's okay, it's been awhile.) I hope your work on seeing is progressing as you want it to, I'd like to hear an update if you're inclined. B

Move it to Intent. If you had asked me what the cornerstone of the maker tradition is, I would say that, at this point, it is your intent—not mine, not even the intent of the tradition itself. Our intent is what matters most, and that is very different from many other traditions. So your path is shaped by who you are and who you intend to become in the world. In that sense it isn’t a belief system; it is a living, breathing system that emanates from your intent. This makes the expression of your work uniquely personal—sometimes surprising, and always powerful. Everything you learn about yourself, about moving energy, and all the healed parts of you converge into your intent. Our minds cannot accomplish this; only our intent can. It absorbs those healing experiences and carries them outward. It is a beautiful movement. What you’re doing is taking all the knowledge from your life experiences and connecting it with your intent. I feel it like an acceleration—a force that flows through the current of life within me. What’s even more interesting is that I can take all the lessons from my failures and channel them into my intent. It never ends. The process becomes so active that, at some point, it will run ahead of you. I am deeply grateful to the makers who taught me how to do this. Cyfnos

On Seeing As I continue my personal work, I’m shifting toward more “seeing” practice this fall. I’m still working with the same thread, and this morning I began to recap its seeing. It was a very expansive recap—traversing the movement of death, erasing myself completely until my energy could connect with and perceive everything around me. What does the tree see? What does the dirt see? What does the earth see? You have to disappear entirely for true seeing to occur—a difficult movement for me, but that’s what it takes to understand the power surrounding you. I’ve been working on this for years, yet there is still more to touch and smell out there. It differs from merely seeing the object itself; you are seeing what the object sees, expanding your worldview a thousandfold. You become very small, yet paradoxically you are touching infinity. Cyfnos

When I first started my journey in the Maker tradition, I was determined to go through the whole training program and be the best shamanic practitioner — the best seer, the most finessed healer, the most… well, everything. I envisioned myself as being a beacon of shamanic expertise, effortlessly mastering every technique and practice, confidently wielding wisdom like a mystical Swiss Army knife, ready for every possible question a student may bring up. Turns out, I’m not a master of anything in particular. Not yet, anyway. What I am, however, is someone who moves with enthusiasm, tries new things with curiosity, and somehow manages to make most of my intents work. I’m a "jack of all trades, master of none," and guess what? I think I've finally come to accept it. At first, I struggled with this realization. How could I truly contribute if I wasn’t an expert? But as I’ve explored this tradition, I’ve come to see that mastery isn’t the only way to make a meaningful impact. Sometimes, being “pretty good” at a lot of things is exactly what’s needed. One day, I might be leading a grounding meditation for a group in the pine forest. The next, I’m helping someone interpret for themselves the meaning of a peculiar symbol that popped up in their dreams. Later that same week, I might be creating sacred space for a ceremony or offering a basic shamanic journey for a friend in need. I’m not any kind of authority on these practices, but I am the person who can roll up my sleeves and adapt to whatever’s needed in the moment. And honestly, it’s kind of freeing. I get to be fluid. I get to try things. I get to move where my intuition, curiosity, and authenticity take me. The truth as I see it is, mastery takes time. A lifetime, even. And while I might not have achieved mastery yet, I’m on the path, step by meandering step. I’ve learned that I don’t have to rush. There’s no shamanic finish line waiting for me to cross it, no grand cosmic Pooh-bah handing out medals for integrating completely with my Other. In fact, the freedom to explore has become one of my favorite things about this journey so far. Each skill I pick up adds a new thread to the tapestry of my experience. And if I decide to wander off into a new area, it’s not because I’ve failed to master the old one — it’s because my spirit is nudging me toward what feels most alive and authentic in that moment. Over time, I’ve begun to figure out that this “jack of all trades” approach isn’t a detour from my life’s purpose — it is my life’s purpose. What if my role in this world isn’t to sit at the pinnacle of one skill, but to explore, adapt, and bring a little bit of everything wherever it’s needed? After all, shamans were traditionally generalists. They were the healers, storytellers, spiritual guides, and keepers of community wisdom. They didn’t specialize in just one thing — they met the moment with whatever tools and knowledge they had. So, here I am, continuing along my path, as best as I can. I might never master every practice in the Maker tradition, but I’m mastering the art of showing up — curious, open, and ready to learn. And maybe that’s enough. Actually, scratch that. Maybe it’s perfect. Because maybe life isn’t about checking off every box (as much as I LOVE checking off boxes on my to-do lists) — maybe it’s about finding joy in the journey, trusting my path, and knowing that wherever I'm headed, I'm exactly where I'm meant to be. Intentfully, of course.

Like many, my knowledge of my ancestral heritage is a bit fuzzy. On my mother’s side, I know about the healers who quietly performed miracles in their attics and left behind a grimoire filled with Christian references that masked a touch of mystery. I even inherited the family’s crystal ball while clearing out the old farmhouse. Over time, I found myself naturally connecting with my ancestors -- especially through simple herbal remedies that proved invaluable when I was a young adult helping friends who couldn’t afford healthcare. Experiences that might seem “nonordinary” to others felt normal to me, especially since my sister also shared them. My father’s side is more of a mystery. Genetic testing revealed Scandinavian roots, potentially overlapping with Southern Sami regions. While I can’t say for sure if I have Sami ancestry, one of the spirits I’ve connected with through my journeying is an old woman from a sub-Arctic region. She’s taught me subtle signs in nature and people, as well as practical wisdom. I’ve also discovered that a tool of my own healing practice, using “soul singing" -- a way of embodying and expressing the essence of a being or place through melodic sounds—shares parallels with the Sami tradition of joiking. While I don’t claim that lineage, I find the overlaps and intersections to be interesting. Over time, I’ve thought and talked about it with others and realized that I’m about as connected to my ancestral threads as I need to be. I recognize and appreciate that these threads live inside of me, subtly informing me and weaving through me in invisible ways... but I don't feel the need to try to adopt or recreate the cultures/traditions of my ancestors. Instead, I've chosen to focus on the ancestral threads I’m creating in this lifetime. I want my energy, my work, and my essence to be something future descendants can connect with -- offering them guidance, insight, and strength. I want the legacy I leave as a Maker to be a resource that helps them navigate their lives with clarity and purpose.

This morning I started recapping with a view of the top of a wooden cupboard. It was beautiful wood, an antique for sure—very tall, and at the top, there were some papers, some rolled together. I did not try to look at them or read them; I didn’t think about doing that until just now, but there might be some information in them that could be useful. The room was on the second floor; there was grass outside, and a donkey was eating it. The space was very poorly lit—no electricity for sure. It was rustic but still well made. The owner was well-off and well-educated; it felt like a magistrate of sorts in a local rural area. I took in the whole room; there was other furniture, a well-made desk, and other items. I stayed there for a while, and then I switched back out of the blue to a maker healer in the forest. He was looking at a tree, and the tree was sick. Part of it was quite healthy, but another part had a parasite and was dying slowly. I was recapping the whole thing, and it was as if he knew and started to explain things to me. "Look at the energy and follow it to its root," he said. It was interesting that the energy of the disease had the same root as the healthy part of the tree—same root, two different outcomes. I kept recapping this and drew some parallels with my own energy: same root, two different outcomes. Then the kicker: he asked me to look at fear that way. When I went to the root of fear, I saw the root of power so clearly. Also, as was the case with the tree, fear brings an incredible amount of knowledge. Oddly, maybe it is the fastest way to learn—probably a survival instinct. So the recap switched to recapping power instead of fear. It felt like absorbing all that knowledge. I reflected on my life and revisited all my fearful dreams too. I took in all the knowledge from my parents that they shared with me with their fears, then my threads, and I went back to the magistrate to do that as well. I finally finished with humanity's fear. It was like turning on a different switch in my energy—a radical shift in perception, obviously. Eventually, I was recapping while facing all positions, split into four, each facing a cardinal point and bringing in the knowledge. When the power became greater than the fear, it felt like huge anger. Then, the healer told me that healing is often not the absence of fear. For example, in the tree, it showed me how the knowledge of the sick side is helping the healthy side strive. Healing needs to be done with the agreement to move that balance point, knowing that if the sick side heals completely before the knowledge is integrated, it is not really healing; the sickness will come back. It's like yin and yang; the healing point is where they reach a balance. When you heal, you change the balance between the two, reaching a different point. I guess the tree didn’t mind gaining knowledge that way. As usual with gain knowledge through experiences. I mean if each time you feel fear, yours, someone else's, huge waves from groups of people, you do a little fencing move and go for the knowledge it contains it really becomes something completely different. Like an Aikido move using the energy of your opponent. Cyfnos

My name is Christian Bonvin, and I am a teacher at the CaveShamans school. I have been teaching for a while now and would like to address something I’ve observed throughout my teaching and personal practice. This might be useful for you, the blog reader, or it might not, but shamans are accustomed to seeing patterns in people’s energy. Our job is to understand those patterns to help create a different path out of them. Think of most lives as living the same day over and over (at least mine was). The same emotional states come back in a loop, and the same things happen with people repeatedly, even when we change our environment. These patterns can trap us in our own little hell, and often it seems the world conspires to keep us there. For some, it might feel like a safe golden cage, but it is still a cage. Before embarking on a shamanic healing path, it’s important to understand that it will require effort. Why? Because it took a lot of work to arrive where you are now. The plan is simple: to escape that cage, dissolve it down to its deep foundations, and then build something more aligned with who you truly are (which you will discover when you step out of the cage). This work will involve your intent and will, and often you’ll need to heal those aspects as well to become the escape artist necessary for your freedom. Unlike other types of healing work, shamanic healing is not linear; everything happens simultaneously because it is energetic work, not just mental. Now, let’s talk about the real subject of this blog: pain. Pain can stop you—whether physical, emotional, or existential. It is the kind we carry for so long that it becomes our best friend, and we agree to perceive the world through it. We hesitate to let it go because, well, letting go can feel even more painful. What could replace it? Our minds hack into our energy using pain and the fear we have of it. So how do we deal with pain? Energetically, pain resembles stagnant energy—a place where things are no longer in motion or have slowed down too much. This slowing can happen gradually, but it is also a fact of life; as we age, for example, we naturally slow down. When things slow beyond their natural pace, we can become stuck, lacking the momentum to speed up again. If your anger slows down, there comes a point when you can’t move it using your usual methods. If you can’t move it, you become stuck in it and angry all the time. This process applies to other types of energy as well: physical pain, your intent, your will, your dreams. Our minds can be crafty; they influence how we perceive pain until we shut down completely and become too afraid to move. I’ve known people who stay home for months at a time, and I’m not judging—just stating a fact. In simple terms: moving is life; stagnation is death. Pain can be many things: a signal to pay attention to something, a nexus point where many issues intersect. You must be willing to unknit these complexities until you find the root cause to address it. Pain can also be a distraction from something more significant, and recognizing the function of pain within ourselves is knowledge we can use to help others. The path to healing involves learning from where you are, understanding why you are there, and creating movements little by little in different directions than your usual patterns. This means moving your emotions again, your intent, your will, and your dreams. Movement is your birthright; you are, by nature, a mover. Makers are energy movers. So, pain is a crack in the mind's plan. Yes, it can stop you, but only if you agree to it. Change that agreement, and your healing begins—one step at a time, little by little—until your energy flows like a thriving river. My teacher likes to say, “Dream me a river…” When your energy becomes a river, it will flow, guided by your intent and will. How does it feel to be a river in the world? There is much more to say and discover, but I will stop here for now. I hope you’ll consider signing up for classes. Christian

Looking back when I took my first class here in CaveShamans where we need to set our biggest intent, it was a no brainer for me then, it was clear, I felt it and it does look easy to imagine, that was May 2015. 9 years have passed I have graduated lol all the Makers classes, healing, dreaming, moving, time travel and much more.. then teaching, helping new students find their path and most importantly their own healing. As student it did seem to me that the path was set for me to follow and it could be the classes were well structured that each students has to go through with ease and confidence that whatever we set foot at the beginning of our journey is not only possible but doable. I enjoyed being a student not because I felt the changed and the freedom it brings, the magic that we experienced and the truth that only few people did manage to see. I enjoyed here because I found the community and the support(talking about energy) of course. However, the same as with all students that at some point we need to come out and have to venture to the world where we apply our knowledge and skill. This is exact analogy I am referring too. I am out of school and lived in the world where it is so different that what we have learned. This is the world where the normal for humans is not so normal for us. Where do we stand.. I am still humans, I have needs, I am affected by inflation, by political upheaval, the climate change and now the emergence of AI. How do I move to a world where 99% of humans who inhabit it are shaping the reality through their unhealed emotions and prejudice. When I surf in the internet or exploring forums or any media, the contents are enormous, like everyone has something to share, and why not, what's wrong with that. But I lose of words sometimes as I read their motivation of doing it, I do understand, but sometimes ignorance is bliss. It does sometimes make me not wanting to say at all for it seems people can't understand that there is a different world.. I figured, I need to keep my biggest intent where 9 years ago I set in and does looked easy but now I realized the integration and the implementation is not so straightforward. Where should I go.. should I just pretend that I didn't know about freedom, about change, about what humans are capable of becoming. Where should I begin.. I keep asking myself.. the spiral is massive and deep but there is a space to start I know.. I thought, I have to find my passion, the one that sets the fire within... Happy New Year all!!

I thought this question had a very straightforward answer, let alone to experience it, but I found it’s not. Many years ago, while training on shamanism in the Maker tradition, one of the exercises we had was to practice how to affect an outcome. Reading the exercise looked doable, and I was so excited knowing that affecting and having the result of whatever we ‘want’ is the completeness of that desire. However, as I practiced it every day, I bumped into a realization which was a bit disappointing. It opened up for me to see that every day is very mundane, repetitive and reminded me of Groundhog Day. If we record our movements, our thoughts, and our feelings every day, they are almost the same series of movements and patterns. We are living in a never-ending cyclical pattern, sometimes it looks like a flat line. Life becomes a linear progression, from birth to death, hence written on the grave the year of birth and year of death, and the dash in between(-) is what we call life?. Perhaps 20 or 30 years ago, I dreamed of this life, where and what I am now is the outcome of all those dreams. We have so many dreams, and there is no shortage of wants and needs but as the completion of one would lead to the next and the next, there is somehow truth about the song by The Rolling Stone, (I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction. Is life has been set up this way? I asked one time. I know some people are okay with it, it could be because they are too busy to meet the demands of life or they feel they don’t have a choice, or could be they don’t notice that there is something not quite right with it. I can see clearly that we are living in this world where we agree to a certain degree of rules; that money is the currency that people must have to survive in a world of material consumerism. People have to want something for whatever reason for satisfaction and yes it does to a certain timeframe but nothing lasts. People keep on finding the right job and once found it does feel that you have succeeded in the quest but only to find out that after a few months or years, the work that you used to like turns into dislike. I guess anything that we want in life once it materializes give us happiness and a sense of fulfillment but it has expiry dates, even in an intimate relationship, it was once started as love but unfortunately, down the road, it turns to hate. So what do we want? Or where the ‘need’ comes from. As a practitioner of shamanism, I know that human beings are not just physical, in fact, we see physical body is only a fraction of our totality. Besides the very obvious lump of clay as they say, we have different layers of energetic bodies working in coherence and unison which affects our human physiology, health, thinking, feelings, behavior, everything, in fact in the visible form we call it human and the invisible aspect we call Being. Knowing there are two aspects of us, the human in the flesh forms that need to be fed, sheltered, clothed, and nourished. While another aspect of our totality remains to be seen, to connect, and to be remembered. I see the sign of the cross as an epitome of the truth of what it is to be human. What I’m trying to drive to this post is our complexity yet quite simple if we see the bigger truth. I have deep compassion for the misery of the entire human race as if we were played out by some powerful forces, sort of we are subject to a lab trial. In one aspect, look at social media, it’s maddening to see how emotions somehow are being manipulated by some form of big brothers out there. It feeds off an individual’s trigger whatever that person’s leanings and proclivities. Is that bad? I don’t think so as long as it gives those people the freedom and healing in the long run but the issue is, it traps people in their wants and needs more and more and people get angrier than ever, and more stress and fear ensues. The human psyche is conditioned for pleasure, I mean who wants discomfort and stress by the way? But one of the spiritual books I read a long time ago says suffering is the way to salvation or something like that. I didn’t understand that bit, it could be how religious perceived suffering and salvation, I reckoned. But hey, if the earth is a schoolroom and we humans are students, are we not supposed to progress from a kindergarten way of understanding to a more advanced like becoming a university graduate or even becoming masters? I see it this way, though. What was once interpreted as truth should be again and again interpreted in a different new light, different vision, and a heart to see the bigger picture. There is no end to our wants and needs if we can’t see that we are not just a physical body but we are much beyond it capable of performing miracles and wonders. To perform an extraordinary feat, is this not a sign of mastery of life on earth? I would very thrilled if the human race could find the way to it. Again, what do we want? We all know that we all have hearts. No one is born without a heart and no one lives without it. I see that all we want in life; is mostly material things, things that make us happy even if short-lived. We want to be surrounded by people who can make us feel safe, we want financial freedom, we want harmonious relationships intimate or not, we want stable jobs, we want to feel valued, we want our voices to be heard, etc. All these wants and needs are masking the true motivation of the deepest need and want we all have and that is finding our heart. It might not be obvious that amongst the endless lists we all have, the ultimate purpose of why we are here and now “Finding the heart.” that once was connected to the heart of the One, the Source or Universe or God, whatever you call it. It’s sad that not many people realize that at its core, what we want is our heart. No wonder the search is never ending, satisfaction is out of reach, people are in constant stress of finding something but can’t figure out what makes them truly joyful and satisfied. Eons have passed, human is still dreaming, sadly the dreams continued and end up into one’s grave. Is this the fate for us humans? What do I want. I have figured quite long time now. It’s my biggest Intent and it’s my Will that propels the path to it. Namaste

It reminded me of a classic question I heard as a kid: What comes first, the chicken or the egg? A question I still don’t have a clear answer to. Just a few minutes ago, I stumbled upon a Facebook post—someone promoting a product about self-healing. His bold claim? He could teach people to self-heal in under five minutes. I have to admit, I was tempted to buy the book. It sounded promising. I’ve been on my own self-healing journey for the last ten years, and I still wonder: is there really an end to it? That said, I’ve come a long way. I’m no longer a slave to my emotions. I’ve learned to choose what I think, how I feel, and how I respond. I move more freely in life and often get the outcomes I want. In many ways, I can say I am self-healed. But there’s still more—something deeper. It’s no longer just about healing the self. It’s about healing our connections: with each other, with the Earth, and perhaps with the universe itself. Healing, is not linear—it’s spiral. It circles back, deepens, expands. Much like everything else in life. This brought me back to another timeless question, now debated in more modern terms: Which comes first, thought or emotion? Some say it’s emotion. And I get that. Emotions animate our experiences—they give life its vivid color. As the saying goes, “Emotion is energy in motion.” I agree that emotion is a powerful force in shaping how we live and what we perceive. In many ways, we humans are a bundle of feelings. And often, that’s where we get stuck. But if we can move through those emotional layers, we reach a deeper awareness. So yes, those who say emotion comes first may be right. Then there are those who argue that thought comes first—and emotions follow. I can’t disagree with that either. René Descartes summed it up in one iconic phrase: “I think, therefore I am.” He saw thinking as the foundation of being. And at a more surface level of consciousness, it’s true: much of what we experience in daily life is the result of our thoughts and imagination. You don’t need to feel angry to dress a chicken, or feel sad to sew a beautiful dress. Carlos Alcaraz doesn’t need to feel fear before pulling off a stunning drop shot. Thought can lead action without emotional prelude. Ultimately, I believe that both thought and emotion are essential, beautiful, and inseparable parts of the human experience. They influence each other. Sometimes thoughts drive emotions; other times, it’s the reverse. So who wins this debate—thought or emotion? As a shaman, it depends. There’s no fixed formula. Human beings are multi-faceted. We have a physical body that follows its own laws. And the body alone is a mystery. We have emotions that make life vibrant and messy. We have minds—intelligences behind every experience—where thoughts arise. We have dreams that sometimes feel ominous or strangely seductive. And we have the heart, or the soul, or the essence—whatever you choose to call it. And then deeper than these layers.. are mind boggling mysteries. In short, there’s no straightforward answer. It all depends on where you are in your evolution. Whichever camp you fall into—whether you believe emotion leads or thought does—stay curious. Keep learning. But never dismiss the other side. Because in the end, everything comes full circle. Belle

I've come to believe that we are constantly creating our own world — each of us living in a private reality, occasionally overlapping with others. Some resonate with our version; others reject it. What feels real to one may seem like delusion to another. Most of us — myself included — spend much of our lives inside our own heads. The mind seems to have a mind of its own. We live on autopilot — what many call the unconscious state. In a class called Shamanic Mind, I learned something that changed the way I see everything: the mind doesn’t just process reality — it creates it. The future, it seems, may already be set. Everything is waiting for us to walk into it. Intent is the force that transforms potential into form. It’s happening whether we’re aware of it or not. That’s why some people can "see" the future — because intent is always shaping it. Potential is simply what could be — and it waits until intent moves it. Every moment is in motion, regardless of whether we like where it goes. It’s a kind of law — one with the feel of chaos, but an underlying order. A paradox, really. Life, I’ve come to feel, has its own intent and power. So does death. In the Shamanic Death class, I met what we call the “death advisor.” It’s a ruthless, honest presence. At first, I found it annoying — even maddening. I thought, “Why not have a life advisor instead?” But eventually, I realized something: death and life are like two inseparable siblings, two sides of the same coin. The death advisor showed me the truth, often in ways that were uncomfortable, even ugly — but deeply necessary. Its harsh message was simple: I wasn’t truly living. And over the years I began to understand that, in many small, unconscious ways, our daily actions, thoughts, and emotions are aligned more with death than with life. We resist life without realizing it — and death waits, always patient, always certain. I know it might sound dark or even depressing — but I don't share this out of despair. I just want to voice what’s true for me. The education we get from schools and universities trains us to survive — to get a good job, earn money, and assume happiness will follow. But that’s a belief system based on a certain kind of perception — a filtered view of life. Perception, I’ve realized, is everything. It defines the boundary within which our life experience unfolds. It’s like the canvas on which our personal world is painted. Yet perception is not fixed — it can be shifted. In shamanism, this is called moving the assemblage point — the place within us that determines how we perceive the world. Others might call it a shift in consciousness. That, to me, is the real meaning of “awakening” — or even the deeper truth behind biblical phrases like “the second coming.” When we free perception, we free ourselves. Perception and consciousness are partners. The assemblage point — the shamanic term for our inner lens of awareness — illuminates our reality and interprets what we experience. Two people may encounter the same event, but their perceptions shape entirely different realities. Their reactions, responses, and inner stories will never be exactly the same. Life is relative. No two people are identical. We are One — woven from the same fabric — yet each of us carries a unique expression of that same energy. I believe we’ve always been the same, before time and in time. We travel through this life and beyond, but it all happens within the realm of perceptual awareness. And the most comforting realization of all? We’ve never been broken. We've never truly been separate from the truth of our being. That thought made me smile. Happy exploration and be a happy learner. Thank you, and till next time Belle

((Makers)) Thank you all. I appreciate the compassion. Now that the dust has settled a bit the intensity of the grief has subsided. That's probably a good thing, but well . . It's just odd. To want to hold onto it, but being pretty much unable to as well. I find little spurts of it in my day to day. Opening up the closet and instinctually thinking maybe she's in her shoe box or just going into her old room first thing in the morning, still out of it from a hard night's sleep and expecting her to jump into my lap and remembering. . The experience has changed in some ways how I connect to death and has shown me some unique ways makers have used that energy in the past. Christian mentioned one, I like that. It's something that came pretty naturally. I think too not really about getting another cat, but the reality that even if I were to, whatever relationship I had with that animal would be completely different. What I had with kitty, that's over. Death, it really can be a bit harsh. Maybe not the death, but the sting of life in the face of it. Anyways, I just wanted to thank you all. Thank you <3

I'm sorry for your loss, Nick. Your tribute to her and how she was interwoven into your life is beautiful. I think you also illustrated how the detachment we talk about as Makers doesn't mean, ' not feeling,' I think because we are more detached from the world, we tend to feel emotions with incredible purity and strength, like a child does before they learn how to shut the world out. I think placing her in view of the bird bath was a nice touch. And I think you made the right choice for her to go at that time, to keep her going would have been for you, not for her. And I think being with your pet, in those last moments, giving them comfort, letting them know they are loved is the best you can possibly do in those last moments here- think of her cat energy, returning to the pool, feeling that love and how that love that she brings in with her will enrich that pool for the new kitties coming into our world. Lorrie

@Nick "Living a life that is worth going through the pain of dying." The grief can show you things, a nugget of knowledge, when you feel ready maybe try this, go out in your garden and really set it free, move the energy of your sadness, move it into the word, into the trees, the ground, the rocks, let your awareness carry it out and touch everything in the world. Do that with all the will you can muster. I understand the joy, this movement can be quite joyful. Then in the empty space where the sadness was you will see something powerful just for you, probably even more gifts of knowledge that relationship created. C

{{Nick}} So sorry to hear of your loss. I know how much it hurts right now, but that's nothing compared to the connection you shared. In a way sharing this doesn't seem like the right time, but since I was reminded of it, I'll do it anyway. I used to have two cats, they are both gone now but it was interesting how they dealt with seeing me in pain. They both stalked it really effectively but in different ways. My other cat was a sweetheart about it, she'd poke her head at my heart and meow at me. My other cat, she just wouldn't give a shit. She would just stare me down ruthlessly, while going all high and mighty Egyptian goddess on me. There was something really funny about that, after a while it would always bring me great joy. It's difficult to explain, it's just the perspective she provided through our connection struck me that way. I don't think exploring your grief or even finding joy in it is a dishonor to Kitty. The opposite if anything, cats are curious stalkers. Kai

A beautiful tribute to Kitty, Nick. And to death, and life. ((((((hugs)))))) cheri

So sorry Nick for your loss of Kitty, I feel you. Our bond with our cats is very special, a true connection and love shared unequivocally. I understand how you are feeling right now, know it will pass and remember that Kitty is not gone but just moved on.. ((hugs)) Belle

I’m so sorry Nick. 😢❤️ My dog Cleo was my heart dog. She passed away 6 years ago…I grew up with other dogs and didn’t think I would be affected the way I was when she passed, so I know what it’s like (it sucks 🙁) but it does get better with time. ((hugs))

So my cat died two days ago. I can't really say it was unexpected. I knew for awhile that she had maybe a year or so left. I took that information and generally made the most of what time I had left, but now that she's gone I am feeling all sorts of things. There is of course the usual regret. There were times where she wanted more pets than I had left in me on a given day. Days where I felt like doing other things than holding her. Looking back, whatever it was that I was busying about with was not really as important as maybe taking that extra moment and holding her. Kitty liked to be held. At least she did before things got bad last week. I could tell things were progressing when that changed. There wasn't a whole lot I could have done to prevent it. Bi-monthly blood transfusions averaging to about 5 K a pop unfortunately weren't an option. Even if I had the money I wonder if it would be worth it. You take away the monetary value that somehow we place on a life and what's left is quality. Was kitty happy ? For most of her life I would say she was. I heard the expression soul animal for the first time just last week and while I was reluctant to say definitively Kitty was my "soul animal" - i can now in fact confirm, kitty was a soul cat. There's just something about that bond. I don't believe it's a one and done, like I will never be able to have that sort of deep connection with another animal because I know I will and can, but for whatever relationships I have in the future, mine and kitties relationship will be unique. I've been through a lot with kitty. Life has changed immensely over the last 12 years, which is how old she was. Kitty was a constant. I would go to work and then home, alone and spend hours upon hours just hanging with kitty. It's unfortunate that we never are able to fully grasp just how important something is to us until we lose it. Even when we know and cherish what time we have our minds hide from us the immensity of our emotions. Or at least try. I never doubted that I loved kitty. There has never really been much I wouldn't do for her. And that love was something I felt all of the time. So many hours of just togetherness. Not like lost in love or anything like that, but just moments. Very special moments where you could be yourself, pour your heart into something and really be asked absolutely nothing in return. Well . . Almost nothing. Kitty liked treats. Loved tuna, yogurt. The underside of her chin scratched as she was held and leaned backwards with her face pointed down at the ground. When she was younger kitty did flips with me. Sadly there came a day where she no longer cared to do that, but there really wasn't a limit to the trust she placed in me. One time she got fleas. I was pretty broke at the time and was exploring ways to get rid of her fleas that didn't cost money. I decided a bath would work. Kitty laid on my chest and had all but her head submerged for at least an hour. I thought drowning the fleas would work. It didn't, but what cat lets their person do that for them. Kitty. In some ways I think I must have led a pretty sheltered life if a cat dying was like this supreme moment of grief for me. And it's not l have led a sheltered life, at all . . I've basically lost everything. A few times, but holding kitty as the vet pushed those meds in . . I have never felt grief on that level. It was like a movie. Me holding her face, choked up and sobbing. You'd think that's the hard part and maybe it was, but living without her isn't proving to be easy either. When I got home from the vet, she was in a box. I wrapped her in her favorite blanket and then picked a spot in the garden. A nice perch on top of a hill overlooking the bird bath. I've been at this maker thing now for 15 years and have had my fair share of moments. Burying her was one of them. It's weird how things come together when they do. A confluence of intents magically seeming to all arrive in that magical moment and with that bringing meaning right when you need it the most. I've learn to trust those moments. I had a lot of those with kitty. At the vet, I really wanted to take her home. I wanted her to die at home. I also didn't want her to suffer though. I remember holding her and speaking to her with intent, wanting to know what she wanted and she was just so chill. She was ready. As a maker you learn to deal with strong emotions. We connect to them differently and with emotions this powerful it has been quite the ride. It is odd because the pain at times is terrible, but that sense of connection and love is so beautiful that it makes all of the grief and requisite sadness honestly worth it. I suppose that's the point though. Living a life that is worth going through the pain of dying. I'm learning a lot through this experience and sometimes I am torn about that. I feel like finding joy in exploring grief is at times almost a dishonor to kitty. I really don't believe that, but it is a peculiar thing to experience. I find myself opening up and being unable to do anything but run straight at it in classic maker form. I believe that's it for now. It's a lot to process and deal with. I tend to sort of just go at these things alone, but I am part of a community here and that's what this space is for. Talking the weird stuff out, sharing and exploring things that a lot of people just don't care to explore. I attached a photo of kitty. If you have an animal at home, give it a hug for me ❤️ -Nick 891ae6c8-812c-493d-927e-bf5a8e7ff9de.jfif

Hi Hollow, have you looked into requesting a healing on the healing page of this site? Here is the link: https://www.shamanscave.com/shamanic-healing/shamanism-healings-at-shamanscave There is also a self-healing technique called recapitulation. The basics can be found here: https://www.shamanscave.com/shamanism-the-recapitulation/the-recapitulation Im sorry you’re going through the things you described. I’m also very sensitive to cities and all the energy that’s in them, sometimes it’s just that sensitivity to them that can cause the restlessness, but if you feel something more is going on don’t hesitate to contact the healing lab, it’s free and the healers here are happy to help. The recapitulation self-healing technique is good getting a better handle on your own energy versus outside energy as well. Kind regards, cammie

There is a spirit I feel that targets me to make me feel restless. it seems like its very strong and present near urban environment and technology etc but not when I am out in nature away from those types of electrical fields. I tend to feel at rest if I am alone out in nature somewhere. However it doesn't seem like I am ever capable of feeling restful, relaxed or have bodily peace any other time. i have a lot of medical things that make it that certain outside stimulus can trigger pain or seizures. The weird thing is that it seems I am extremely unlucky where its like there is a constant string of things that dont allow me to rest. Like for example I can go to a park and finally feel restful for a brief second and then someone will come around with some kind of power tools (leaf blowers etc) to trigger me again. Even my family have recognized and made jokes of how unlucky I am. I feel like all of those events are too much to be a coincidence because it seems like its the stuff like that is non stop. Seriously, it seems like this kind of thing lines up to torment me and it has been ongoing for a few years now. Not allowed to have a full restful nights sleep because something will wake me up. Not being able to lie down to rest normally because a loud noise will trigger me again ( i have hyperacsuis and reflexive epilepsy.) Really hoping that anyone who can help me out through this process. talk through it. Maybe try to help me identify the problem. Its been so long like this and with other medical struggles its been really difficult to bear with. To whoever reading this, bless your soul

Greetings, I thought I should post a note about changes to the websites and what that means as far as classes and such are concerned. Currently, there are three web sites, https://shamanscave.com which has become primarily an informational site as it was originally. Https://caveshamans.com which is the class site. Https://archives.shamanscave.com where students can find their class logs from the old shamanscave site. The evolution of the sites has taken several versions and about three years. There was a great deal to reorganize and add in hopes of bringing everything up to modern web standards. Caveshamans has multiple forms for class listings and offers chat, private chat, streaming classes, conferences for multiple attendees and private video chat. Blogs were moved to caveshamans and as a registered user you have access to roughly 150 logs from past public discussions. It was important to us that we provide more for students than just simply taking a class and while we aren't finished adding features yet I think we've made a good start. Shamanscave has been regorganized and cleaned up to make articles and information quickly available from the main menus rather than having to wander through too many areas searching for specific topics. We hope the changes make things easier to find and use, niteshad