Vargtid

(possible trigger warning; dead animal part) Hello all, it's been some time since I've posted here; I'm Varg. I only post here when something significant happens, and tonight something did. Something did indeed happen. This, in my 20+ years as a Shaman, made me quiver a bit. I live out in the desert in far Western Colorado. I own 5 acres out here, and keep track of it regularly, and hunt my own land, as is needed, etc. Well, about 5 months ago, I was driving my tractor where I usually do, to pile rocks, at the bottom of my property, and there was a deer leg. It was just sitting there. I'm a hunter and a butcher, a Shaman, a Mysticist, w/e you wanna call me... well... having butchered my share of deer, I noticed something off about this particular severed deer leg. The thing about it, having butchered my share of animals was that this leg had been cleanly cut off at the joint, and about one inch lower, the fur was cut with a knife, right around the bone. This obviously means this was from a skinned deer. When you kill an animal, you pull out the eviscera, and then immediately cut the skin from the bone, to separate the meat from the bone, before it goes bad, and etc... well.... deer have 4 legs; and a head. and about 10 pounds of viscera. There was none of that. Just the one leg portion laying there neatly where I drove my tractor. And so I gave pause. There was no blood, no sign of anything; (besides, who would take the time to clean a dear 100 yards into someone else's property? You'd pull it home and clean it there) - just the one clean cut leg. I found it odd, for aforementioned reasons, obviously; so I kicked it aside, under a piece of jutting rock, out of the sun. That was five or so months ago. Fast forward to today: Some very ill words were exchanged between my sister and me, and I knew, and said so to my parents that things were going to change. I knew something was going to happen. Something. It kept me, this thought of woe, up all night until about 1:30am when I remembered that one deer leg from like 5 months ago that was left on my property that I kicked under a rock. So I, with just a flashlight and a knife for protection, in the middle of the night, on a whim (welcome to Shamanism), hiked back down there to find something - and something I found. In that exact spot where it originally was,, was the deer leg. Not where I kicked it - nope - it was exactly where I originally found it. Yeah, I know, "coyotes moved it" or something, no - this was an inept, desiccated deer leg not worth the trouble of scavenging - and it was right back where I found it. Precisely. I honestly hiked down there at 1:30am expecting that, and there it was - moved back to where it was. Again, without a mark; only footprints in the dirt. Of course after 6 or so months in the desert heat of the summer it was so dry that you could practically blow and the fur would fly off, leaving only bone. It was that dry... although we are just at the end of a rainy season atm, after Summer. I knew this was the sign. It had been placed there, and then moved. This, someone did deliberately. so I removed it and left a ᚨ rune carved in the dirt in its place. (if that rune doesn't appear for you in your font, it was an Ansuz Rune), and took the leg home with me. I figure someone wanted me to find it, and then after I moved it, they put it back, so 5 months or so later I took it and left a Shaman's Rune in its place to let them know that I too am like them. Why did this happen? Who put it there? Why did they move it? Why, after 5 months did I hike down there in the middle of the night to know and find all of this true? Welcome to the mysteries of Shamanism. I will cut it down and carve it into what it should be, and see. I've worked much with animal bone in my past, but how would whoever put it there know that? I don't fucking know. But I now have another powerful tool against bad spirits. -Varg

Fin, I apologize for it taking so long for me to get back to you. I am very busy with work. I got an email from here saying that you messaged me, but I'm so fail with the internet that I can't figure it out. (And yet my business is my YouTube channel - lol - sad but true). I fucking love "folkish" as you said, music. For instance Einherjer, or Old Man's Child. Both are Norwegian artists from the early 2000's. Einherjer was more 'Norwegian Folk Metal', and Old Man's Child was more like 'Norwegian Black Folk Metal', if such a thing exists.. but yeah. I received an email notifying me that I had a message from you, but I'll be honest and even after reading it I couldn't make sense of it. I have many friends in Northern Europe, where, as far as I can gather you're from, and we have amongst us an inside joke we call 'English fail'. It's cool. Just email me directly at ryanpinkston8@gmail.com I couldn't make sense of the message you sent me here, nor can I figure out how to pull it up... yeah, and I'm the guy who makes my living from YouTube; pure dumb luck. Just toss me a proper email. Thanks, -Varg

Fin, Allow me to give you an example of patience, if you could be so humble; my favorite band is Cradle of Filth: I listen to them every day - all but songs from their original album, 'Total Fucking Darkness'. This because I own it, on vinyl, original, unopened, in mint condition. This record sits on my shelf and although this is my favorite band and I could at any moment listen to any song from there on YouTube, I choose not to. I still have a perfect copy of their first album on vinyl in the original cellophane, frozen in time. Once time speaks to me, I'll know it's time - it'll likely be years more; perhaps there's something within that album I'm not yet meant to know to better myself. I will learn it then. Until that moment, the original LP still factory and unlistened of my favorite band sits on a shelf. When the day is right I will hear it. Though I have heard and seen them live - them and every other band like them - this one record remains sealed. I know enough not to ask questions. Answers are revealed in time. I know how that sounds, but from my experience anyway 90% of my other-world experiences were things I didn't expect at times when I wasn't prepared. That said, I don't just 'wait', now, prepared with wisdom, I collect things which someday may spark intuition. Again, I don't follow the tradition of those here. I forge my own path, but they know that. That's why I posted my personal email above. I would never try to derail what these cool people are doing here. -Varg

You never know who you're going to meet on the internet, and that in itself is always an adventure.

Fin, Wow, so many questions to respond to... I follow my own path, and let that be known. Although I have the utmost respect for the Makers here and have read their writings, I maintain my own beliefs - and they know this. It's no sign of disrespect - no - I'm a Shaman in what I see as a great Shaman community on the Internet. We are who we are and define convention. It's okay that I'm not perfectly aligned with everyone here. I'm here, as is everyone else, because I'm different. Are not we all? The Shaman irl with which I spoke of earlier who I met with was... a harrowing experience, and was not paid for btw, but just an encounter. As far as tattoos go- they're not for everyone. There is Alchemy in ink. I have two or three other girls' names inked in me to remember, but my current partner is not among them. It's because she is important. When I know the way to put her name on me and where and how, I will. Everyone expresses themselves in different ways. That said, funnily enough mine are not 'expression', as I cover them... but rather expression for myself. For only here, in my home do I see them. Idk if that makes any sense. As far as a sprit animal goes - and again, as I have said I am not like those here, but it is something that you will know. Perhaps some life experience will show you. I have learned much through patience. All that said, Fin, please email me at my personal email ryanpinkston8@gmail.com and perhaps we can speak or video chat or w/e you want - we can arrange it there, off-forum. That's my email, and that bit is up to you. This is the best place to meet people like myself and I want not to draw anyone away from here, but if someone is closer to my beliefs than others, then I would obviously love to speak with them personally. I give my email because that's personal and business and I check it all the time and will respond, and I realize that even here I'm a bit of an outcast because I'm not a Maker - but are we not all here because we are outcasts? Also, you clearly share a love of Black Metal, lol, so there is that. -Varg

The first thing I thought was yeah - I lost interest after Vortex and Mustis Were gone. I last saw Dimmu live back in 2003, and that was about it. I did enjoy their remake of Stormblast in like '05, but yeah. And as far as your comment on Kristian becoming Varg - yes - I know the whole story. Overall, I couldn't agree more. Haha. You made me actually laugh out loud. Good on that, Fin lol. Moving on, you raised a great question in that what was it that had me realize the wolf as my sprit animal? I will have to think on this. First off, I was using the name Varg long before I'd ever heard of the events of Mayhem back in the early '90's. If that was a thought, then nah, because that's just coincidence. It was something else, back in ... let me think.... Fin, I first got introduced to Northern Paganism, (which I later came to find were my ancestral roots), back in '99. I feel I've told this story before, or at least that bit. Before I knew my true calling as a Shaman, I was a 19 year-old Wiccan with eclectic beliefs just basically going off books I had read. I first found much of what I had in the early 2000's, like '01 and '02 through, oddly enough, an RPG, like D&D, that I was playing with friends. I played my character as part of the 'Get of Fenris'. I barely knew who he was at the time, or not to mention other wolves such as Freki and Geri, but I guess .... it was... not like yours. I have spoken with a Shaman more advanced than I, back in I believe '09, and that was far more ... whatever than I care to recall here. She knew more about me than I care to admit. You know how it is. It just came into me. In every circle I've been the oldest, the most experienced, the wisest, and the most clever. That along with my associations to Odin... just led that way. I knew names of Odin before I even really went down that route, and used them, without knowing. I was born on a Wednesday. I, as Odin, have sacrificed myself many times, and my life here, to gain other knowledge. It was some twenty years ago when I realized my kinship to his wolves, and not decided, but knew that that's where I belonged. You understand? The sprit animal of oneself can't be a concious choice, but rather a realization, or revelation of how you lived. That's how it was for me. Thank you, ~Varg

As a follow-up, and on a more personal note, amongst my tattoos is one on my left arm which reads "ᛈᚱᛟᛞᛁᚷᛇ ᛟᚠ ᚹᚨᚱᚠᚨᚱ". "Prodigy of warfare". It's a quote from a Dimmu Borgir song, but most importantly a reminder of where I came from and who I am now. Always be who you are, in that moment and eff the rest of the world, - Varg

Thank you for the reply, FinWanderer. Varg of course refers to the wolf in Norwegian, and also serves as the prefix to the word in English, 'vagabond'. We are wanderers and teachers. The wolf is my spirit animal, hence my name. Thank you. I can speak much of Asatru. Both from having been in prison, but mostly my studies and the books and such I've collected. That said, I do find it so sad that in such mentioned places it's designated as like a racial thing and none of them know a single thing about it. I was always regarded as upper class, because of that, but that's just stupid prison politics. It really is a shame that what I've spent my life on becoming such a thing. Moving on, it's good that you have a partner, and although I don't know you, I'm happy for you. It never seems to work out for me. Take joy in every productive day spent with such a person, I say. Tonight the Moon is nearly full. Live every day to its fullest. -Varg

ArcaneHuman, My spirit animal is the wolf, which is within my name here. I never focused on it or tried to found it. It came to me. I feel that reading too many books might focus your mind on finding something too specific, when in reality it will come to you. I replied to one of your posts earlier, and will say again, it's about it coming to you, not about you searching for it.... I know that sounds incredibly ... yeah Start small. Go ahead and pick something. Read something. Work from there. There is no need for "patience". You can never ask an initiative to practice patience. No offense. It may have taken me over 10 years for the wolf to speak to me. I say start small. The life of a Shaman is a life-long learning process, and I'm still learning. I started off as Wiccan and still have a 500-some page grimoire to discover my path which I still keep and treasure. Knowing the path from the beginning is part of the process, but it's the progression of finding where that path goes that in the end matters. Again, if that means anything -Varg

ᛁ ᚾᛟ ᚹᚨᛏ ᚨ ᛊᚺᚨᛗᚨᚾ ᛁᛉ -ᚹᚨᚱᚷ

Okay, what does it mean to me? Every culture has Shamans - Africa, South America, Native America, Rasputin was a Shaman, Odin, even Jesus was a Shaman. I honestly haven't read anything here and I'll tell you why. We experience the edge of the door, or beyond the door to that other place. I call it the Umbra. I know the use of drugs is common, but I've used them almost to the edge of psychosis. I stopped some time ago with that. Nowadays I just go days and nights with no food or sleep of my own cogniscience. Trust me in that I don't want me to. The spirits draw me there. I haven't read anything here because this is who I am for over 20 years and I have hundreds of books on. I really appreciate your answer. I posted here because I was hoping to find some people I could talk to, you know I've been drowned, stabbed, and drugged multiple times, and then taken certain drugs myself as I said, to the edge of psychosis to reach this side of that door, as well as inducing lucid dreams and et cetera. I have not read your forum, no. I thought this was a place where I could post and not sound crazy. It's just that I've spent half my life looking into the other side and was looking for .... I actually don't know..... something. Thank you for your reply ma'am- -Varg

,,,as a postscript there is a spirit in my house with me, but at towards me she is entirely benevolent. She is my "guard dog" if you will. She will injure those, and I've seen it, who aim to bring harm into my household. I find it very comforting to be honest. Things like this are things that I cannot tell to anyone, and so I hope it's safe, understood, and able to speak about here. -Varg

I am Asatru, and a practicing Shaman for over 20 years. That does entail several NDE's, experiences which should send me to the hospital (and have) if I tell the wrong people certain things. That is because they haven't spent the time I have on the bleeding edge between this world and the Umbra (my name for it), and they don't understand. Hello all, I'm Varg, and I came here hoping find community with people who do understand what I'm talking about. I've had a particularly odd past week. And that's saying a lot for a Shaman of as long as I've practiced. I would love to talk with someone who is real, and that's why I cam here, and can understand what I'm saying. I would love a reply from someone, even someone new to the practice, from whatever faith - we're all in the same business - who won't commit me to the hospital. I say that because I once mentioned a dream I had to my sister and she dragged me there. Any Shaman would know what I mean. I need a place where I can speak with like-minded folk. So again, hello, I am Varg. This is the first time I'm reaching out to others who live as I do, and I have had a very crazy last week which I'm still trying to make sense of. We can discuss that later. Yes, I am fine. you can even see my YouTube channel and hear and see that I'm a normal functioning part of society here; https://www.youtube.com/darkdally I live and work from home. What the public doesn't know is my lifelong practice which has almost killed me multiple times, but here I am and I know very well how to reach the other side. I hope this is a place for people like myself and not ... idk. Thank you -Varg