kai

{{Nick}} So sorry to hear of your loss. I know how much it hurts right now, but that's nothing compared to the connection you shared. In a way sharing this doesn't seem like the right time, but since I was reminded of it, I'll do it anyway. I used to have two cats, they are both gone now but it was interesting how they dealt with seeing me in pain. They both stalked it really effectively but in different ways. My other cat was a sweetheart about it, she'd poke her head at my heart and meow at me. My other cat, she just wouldn't give a shit. She would just stare me down ruthlessly, while going all high and mighty Egyptian goddess on me. There was something really funny about that, after a while it would always bring me great joy. It's difficult to explain, it's just the perspective she provided through our connection struck me that way. I don't think exploring your grief or even finding joy in it is a dishonor to Kitty. The opposite if anything, cats are curious stalkers. Kai

Hi Jan, well that can surely be an effective way to test whether or not anything is happening, but for healing purposes it can actually be counterproductive. When you start out there's so much tied up even in the 'mundane' day-to-day things and all the places they lead, I think if you stick to those for the time being you'll find they're plenty enough to see changes happen. Those big traumatic things have connections everywhere, so going at them directly starting out, people don't usually have the energy to really untie them before working on the smaller things at first, and even if they have, it changes so much all at once it can become really unsettling in a bad way. We like unsettling, but it's a medicine best administered in the right doses, enough to keep the process of healing and changing going, but not too much to drive yourself away or over the edge. I understand the drive, when you start on some level you notice pretty early on those places of most damage, so the pull is there to fix them right up, but to heal the damage it's better to be patient and go at it from the outwards in - even that way there comes a time when you have to dive right in, and at that point I think you'll be really happy with yourself for doing all the 'smaller work' before as you realize the intensity of what you're dealing with. Relationships are an agreement between people, there's a configuration of energy and likewise it's understandable to want to examine and change that but that doesn't take into account the other person - even not recapping the relationship directly, as your energy changes the relationship will also change, but hopefully at a pace that the relationship can live with and evolve with the change, if it's a relationship you want to keep alive. Now, recapping it directly you're changing everything all at once and usually that leads to a big bang which the relationship might or might not survive, but even if it does there's usually a pretty intense crisis involved. Kai