It reminded me of a classic question I heard as a kid: What comes first, the chicken or the egg? A question I still don’t have a clear answer to.

Just a few minutes ago, I stumbled upon a Facebook post—someone promoting a product about self-healing. His bold claim? He could teach people to self-heal in under five minutes. I have to admit, I was tempted to buy the book. It sounded promising. I’ve been on my own self-healing journey for the last ten years, and I still wonder: is there really an end to it?

That said, I’ve come a long way. I’m no longer a slave to my emotions. I’ve learned to choose what I think, how I feel, and how I respond. I move more freely in life and often get the outcomes I want. In many ways, I can say I am self-healed. But there’s still more—something deeper. It’s no longer just about healing the self. It’s about healing our connections: with each other, with the Earth, and perhaps with the universe itself. Healing, is not linear—it’s spiral. It circles back, deepens, expands. Much like everything else in life.

This brought me back to another timeless question, now debated in more modern terms: Which comes first, thought or emotion?

Some say it’s emotion. And I get that. Emotions animate our experiences—they give life its vivid color. As the saying goes, “Emotion is energy in motion.” I agree that emotion is a powerful force in shaping how we live and what we perceive. In many ways, we humans are a bundle of feelings. And often, that’s where we get stuck. But if we can move through those emotional layers, we reach a deeper awareness. So yes, those who say emotion comes first may be right.

Then there are those who argue that thought comes first—and emotions follow. I can’t disagree with that either. René Descartes summed it up in one iconic phrase: “I think, therefore I am.” He saw thinking as the foundation of being. And at a more surface level of consciousness, it’s true: much of what we experience in daily life is the result of our thoughts and imagination. You don’t need to feel angry to dress a chicken, or feel sad to sew a beautiful dress. Carlos Alcaraz doesn’t need to feel fear before pulling off a stunning drop shot. Thought can lead action without emotional prelude.

Ultimately, I believe that both thought and emotion are essential, beautiful, and inseparable parts of the human experience. They influence each other. Sometimes thoughts drive emotions; other times, it’s the reverse.

So who wins this debate—thought or emotion?

As a shaman, it depends. There’s no fixed formula. Human beings are multi-faceted. We have a physical body that follows its own laws. And the body alone is a mystery. We have emotions that make life vibrant and messy. We have minds—intelligences behind every experience—where thoughts arise. We have dreams that sometimes feel ominous or strangely seductive. And we have the heart, or the soul, or the essence—whatever you choose to call it. And then deeper than these layers.. are mind boggling mysteries.

In short, there’s no straightforward answer. It all depends on where you are in your evolution.

Whichever camp you fall into—whether you believe emotion leads or thought does—stay curious. Keep learning. But never dismiss the other side. Because in the end, everything comes full circle.

Belle

This morning I started recapping with a view of the top of a wooden cupboard. It was beautiful wood, an antique for sure—very tall, and at the top, there were some papers, some rolled together. I did not try to look at them or read them; I didn’t think about doing that until just now, but there might be some information in them that could be useful. The room was on the second floor; there was grass outside, and a donkey was eating it. The space was very poorly lit—no electricity for sure. It was rustic but still well made. The owner was well-off and well-educated; it felt like a magistrate of sorts in a local rural area. I took in the whole room; there was other furniture, a well-made desk, and other items.

I stayed there for a while, and then I switched back out of the blue to a maker healer in the forest. He was looking at a tree, and the tree was sick. Part of it was quite healthy, but another part had a parasite and was dying slowly. I was recapping the whole thing, and it was as if he knew and started to explain things to me. "Look at the energy and follow it to its root," he said. It was interesting that the energy of the disease had the same root as the healthy part of the tree—same root, two different outcomes. I kept recapping this and drew some parallels with my own energy: same root, two different outcomes.

Then the kicker: he asked me to look at fear that way. When I went to the root of fear, I saw the root of power so clearly. Also, as was the case with the tree, fear brings an incredible amount of knowledge. Oddly, maybe it is the fastest way to learn—probably a survival instinct. So the recap switched to recapping power instead of fear. It felt like absorbing all that knowledge. I reflected on my life and revisited all my fearful dreams too. I took in all the knowledge from my parents that they shared with me with their fears, then my threads, and I went back to the magistrate to do that as well. I finally finished with humanity's fear. It was like turning on a different switch in my energy—a radical shift in perception, obviously.

Eventually, I was recapping while facing all positions, split into four, each facing a cardinal point and bringing in the knowledge. When the power became greater than the fear, it felt like huge anger. Then, the healer told me that healing is often not the absence of fear. For example, in the tree, it showed me how the knowledge of the sick side is helping the healthy side strive. Healing needs to be done with the agreement to move that balance point, knowing that if the sick side heals completely before the knowledge is integrated, it is not really healing; the sickness will come back. It's like yin and yang; the healing point is where they reach a balance. When you heal, you change the balance between the two, reaching a different point. I guess the tree didn’t mind gaining knowledge that way. As usual with gain knowledge through experiences.

I mean if each time you feel fear, yours, someone else's, huge waves from groups of people, you do a little fencing move and go for the knowledge it contains it really becomes something completely different. Like an Aikido move using the energy of your opponent.

Cyfnos

I thought this question had a very straightforward answer, let alone to experience it, but I found it’s not. Many years ago, while training on shamanism in the Maker tradition, one of the exercises we had was to practice how to affect an outcome. Reading the exercise looked doable, and I was so excited knowing that affecting and having the result of whatever we ‘want’ is the completeness of that desire. However, as I practiced it every day, I bumped into a realization which was a bit disappointing. It opened up for me to see that every day is very mundane, repetitive and reminded me of Groundhog Day. If we record our movements, our thoughts, and our feelings every day, they are almost the same series of movements and patterns. We are living in a never-ending cyclical pattern, sometimes it looks like a flat line. Life becomes a linear progression, from birth to death, hence written on the grave the year of birth and year of death, and the dash in between(-) is what we call life?.

Perhaps 20 or 30 years ago, I dreamed of this life, where and what I am now is the outcome of all those dreams. We have so many dreams, and there is no shortage of wants and needs but as the completion of one would lead to the next and the next, there is somehow truth about the song by The Rolling Stone, (I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction.

Is life has been set up this way? I asked one time. I know some people are okay with it, it could be because they are too busy to meet the demands of life or they feel they don’t have a choice, or could be they don’t notice that there is something not quite right with it. I can see clearly that we are living in this world where we agree to a certain degree of rules; that money is the currency that people must have to survive in a world of material consumerism. People have to want something for whatever reason for satisfaction and yes it does to a certain timeframe but nothing lasts. People keep on finding the right job and once found it does feel that you have succeeded in the quest but only to find out that after a few months or years, the work that you used to like turns into dislike. I guess anything that we want in life once it materializes give us happiness and a sense of fulfillment but it has expiry dates, even in an intimate relationship, it was once started as love but unfortunately, down the road, it turns to hate.

So what do we want? Or where the ‘need’ comes from. As a practitioner of shamanism, I know that human beings are not just physical, in fact, we see physical body is only a fraction of our totality. Besides the very obvious lump of clay as they say, we have different layers of energetic bodies working in coherence and unison which affects our human physiology, health, thinking, feelings, behavior, everything, in fact in the visible form we call it human and the invisible aspect we call Being. Knowing there are two aspects of us, the human in the flesh forms that need to be fed, sheltered, clothed, and nourished. While another aspect of our totality remains to be seen, to connect, and to be remembered. I see the sign of the cross as an epitome of the truth of what it is to be human.

What I’m trying to drive to this post is our complexity yet quite simple if we see the bigger truth. I have deep compassion for the misery of the entire human race as if we were played out by some powerful forces, sort of we are subject to a lab trial. In one aspect, look at social media, it’s maddening to see how emotions somehow are being manipulated by some form of big brothers out there. It feeds off an individual’s trigger whatever that person’s leanings and proclivities. Is that bad? I don’t think so as long as it gives those people the freedom and healing in the long run but the issue is, it traps people in their wants and needs more and more and people get angrier than ever, and more stress and fear ensues.

The human psyche is conditioned for pleasure, I mean who wants discomfort and stress by the way? But one of the spiritual books I read a long time ago says suffering is the way to salvation or something like that. I didn’t understand that bit, it could be how religious perceived suffering and salvation, I reckoned. But hey, if the earth is a schoolroom and we humans are students, are we not supposed to progress from a kindergarten way of understanding to a more advanced like becoming a university graduate or even becoming masters?

I see it this way, though. What was once interpreted as truth should be again and again interpreted in a different new light, different vision, and a heart to see the bigger picture. There is no end to our wants and needs if we can’t see that we are not just a physical body but we are much beyond it capable of performing miracles and wonders. To perform an extraordinary feat, is this not a sign of mastery of life on earth? I would very thrilled if the human race could find the way to it.

Again, what do we want?

We all know that we all have hearts. No one is born without a heart and no one lives without it.

I see that all we want in life; is mostly material things, things that make us happy even if short-lived. We want to be surrounded by people who can make us feel safe, we want financial freedom, we want harmonious relationships intimate or not, we want stable jobs, we want to feel valued, we want our voices to be heard, etc. All these wants and needs are masking the true motivation of the deepest need and want we all have and that is finding our heart. It might not be obvious that amongst the endless lists we all have, the ultimate purpose of why we are here and now “Finding the heart.” that once was connected to the heart of the One, the Source or Universe or God, whatever you call it. It’s sad that not many people realize that at its core, what we want is our heart. No wonder the search is never ending, satisfaction is out of reach, people are in constant stress of finding something but can’t figure out what makes them truly joyful and satisfied. Eons have passed, human is still dreaming, sadly the dreams continued and end up into one’s grave. Is this the fate for us humans?

What do I want. I have figured quite long time now. It’s my biggest Intent and it’s my Will that propels the path to it.

Namaste

Looking back when I took my first class here in CaveShamans where we need to set our biggest intent, it was a no brainer for me then, it was clear, I felt it and it does look easy to imagine, that was May 2015.

9 years have passed I have graduated lol all the Makers classes, healing, dreaming, moving, time travel and much more.. then teaching, helping new students find their path and most importantly their own healing. As student it did seem to me that the path was set for me to follow and it could be the classes were well structured that each students has to go through with ease and confidence that whatever we set foot at the beginning of our journey is not only possible but doable.

I enjoyed being a student not because I felt the changed and the freedom it brings, the magic that we experienced and the truth that only few people did manage to see. I enjoyed here because I found the community and the support(talking about energy) of course. However, the same as with all students that at some point we need to come out and have to venture to the world where we apply our knowledge and skill. This is exact analogy I am referring too. I am out of school and lived in the world where it is so different that what we have learned. This is the world where the normal for humans is not so normal for us.

Where do we stand.. I am still humans, I have needs, I am affected by inflation, by political upheaval, the climate change and now the emergence of AI. How do I move to a world where 99% of humans who inhabit it are shaping the reality through their unhealed emotions and prejudice. 

When I surf in the internet or exploring forums or any media, the contents are enormous, like everyone has something to share, and why not, what's wrong with that. But I lose of words sometimes as I read their motivation of doing it, I do understand, but sometimes ignorance is bliss. It does sometimes make me not wanting to say at all for it seems people can't understand that there is a different world..

I figured, I need to keep my biggest intent where 9 years ago I set in and does looked easy but now I realized the integration and the implementation is not so straightforward. Where should I go.. should I just pretend that I didn't know about freedom, about change, about what humans are capable of becoming. 

Where should I begin.. I keep asking myself.. the spiral is massive and deep but there is a space to start I know.. I thought, I have to find my passion, the one that sets the fire within...

Happy New Year all!!

When I first started my journey in the Maker tradition, I was determined to go through the whole training program and be the best shamanic practitioner — the best seer, the most finessed healer, the most… well, everything. I envisioned myself as being a beacon of shamanic expertise, effortlessly mastering every technique and practice, confidently wielding wisdom like a mystical Swiss Army knife, ready for every possible question a student may bring up.

Turns out, I’m not a master of anything in particular. Not yet, anyway. What I am, however, is someone who moves with enthusiasm, tries new things with curiosity, and somehow manages to make most of my intents work. I’m a "jack of all trades, master of none," and guess what? I think I've finally come to accept it.

At first, I struggled with this realization. How could I truly contribute if I wasn’t an expert? But as I’ve explored this tradition, I’ve come to see that mastery isn’t the only way to make a meaningful impact. Sometimes, being “pretty good” at a lot of things is exactly what’s needed.

One day, I might be leading a grounding meditation for a group in the pine forest. The next, I’m helping someone interpret for themselves the meaning of a peculiar symbol that popped up in their dreams. Later that same week, I might be creating sacred space for a ceremony or offering a basic shamanic journey for a friend in need. I’m not any kind of authority on these practices, but I am the person who can roll up my sleeves and adapt to whatever’s needed in the moment.

And honestly, it’s kind of freeing. I get to be fluid. I get to try things. I get to move where my intuition, curiosity, and authenticity take me.

The truth as I see it is, mastery takes time. A lifetime, even. And while I might not have achieved mastery yet, I’m on the path, step by meandering step. I’ve learned that I don’t have to rush. There’s no shamanic finish line waiting for me to cross it, no grand cosmic Pooh-bah handing out medals for integrating completely with my Other.

In fact, the freedom to explore has become one of my favorite things about this journey so far. Each skill I pick up adds a new thread to the tapestry of my experience. And if I decide to wander off into a new area, it’s not because I’ve failed to master the old one — it’s because my spirit is nudging me toward what feels most alive and authentic in that moment.

Over time, I’ve begun to figure out that this “jack of all trades” approach isn’t a detour from my life’s purpose — it is my life’s purpose. What if my role in this world isn’t to sit at the pinnacle of one skill, but to explore, adapt, and bring a little bit of everything wherever it’s needed?

After all, shamans were traditionally generalists. They were the healers, storytellers, spiritual guides, and keepers of community wisdom. They didn’t specialize in just one thing — they met the moment with whatever tools and knowledge they had.

So, here I am, continuing along my path, as best as I can. I might never master every practice in the Maker tradition, but I’m mastering the art of showing up — curious, open, and ready to learn.

And maybe that’s enough. Actually, scratch that. Maybe it’s perfect. Because maybe life isn’t about checking off every box (as much as I LOVE checking off boxes on my to-do lists) — maybe it’s about finding joy in the journey, trusting my path, and knowing that wherever I'm headed, I'm exactly where I'm meant to be. Intentfully, of course.

Like many, my knowledge of my ancestral heritage is a bit fuzzy.

On my mother’s side, I know about the healers who quietly performed miracles in their attics and left behind a grimoire filled with Christian references that masked a touch of mystery. I even inherited the family’s crystal ball while clearing out the old farmhouse. Over time, I found myself naturally connecting with my ancestors -- especially through simple herbal remedies that proved invaluable when I was a young adult helping friends who couldn’t afford healthcare. Experiences that might seem “nonordinary” to others felt normal to me, especially since my sister also shared them.

My father’s side is more of a mystery. Genetic testing revealed Scandinavian roots, potentially overlapping with Southern Sami regions. While I can’t say for sure if I have Sami ancestry, one of the spirits I’ve connected with through my journeying is an old woman from a sub-Arctic region. She’s taught me subtle signs in nature and people, as well as practical wisdom. I’ve also discovered that a tool of my own healing practice, using “soul singing" -- a way of embodying and expressing the essence of a being or place through melodic sounds—shares parallels with the Sami tradition of joiking. While I don’t claim that lineage, I find the overlaps and intersections to be interesting.

Over time, I’ve thought and talked about it with others and realized that I’m about as connected to my ancestral threads as I need to be. I recognize and appreciate that these threads live inside of me, subtly informing me and weaving through me in invisible ways... but I don't feel the need to try to adopt or recreate the cultures/traditions of my ancestors.

Instead, I've chosen to focus on the ancestral threads I’m creating in this lifetime. I want my energy, my work, and my essence to be something future descendants can connect with -- offering them guidance, insight, and strength. I want the legacy I leave as a Maker to be a resource that helps them navigate their lives with clarity and purpose.

My name is Christian Bonvin, and I am a teacher at the CaveShamans school. I have been teaching for a while now and would like to address something I’ve observed throughout my teaching and personal practice. This might be useful for you, the blog reader, or it might not, but shamans are accustomed to seeing patterns in people’s energy. Our job is to understand those patterns to help create a different path out of them. Think of most lives as living the same day over and over (at least mine was). The same emotional states come back in a loop, and the same things happen with people repeatedly, even when we change our environment. These patterns can trap us in our own little hell, and often it seems the world conspires to keep us there. For some, it might feel like a safe golden cage, but it is still a cage.

Before embarking on a shamanic healing path, it’s important to understand that it will require effort. Why? Because it took a lot of work to arrive where you are now. The plan is simple: to escape that cage, dissolve it down to its deep foundations, and then build something more aligned with who you truly are (which you will discover when you step out of the cage). This work will involve your intent and will, and often you’ll need to heal those aspects as well to become the escape artist necessary for your freedom. Unlike other types of healing work, shamanic healing is not linear; everything happens simultaneously because it is energetic work, not just mental.

Now, let’s talk about the real subject of this blog: pain. Pain can stop you—whether physical, emotional, or existential. It is the kind we carry for so long that it becomes our best friend, and we agree to perceive the world through it. We hesitate to let it go because, well, letting go can feel even more painful. What could replace it? Our minds hack into our energy using pain and the fear we have of it.

So how do we deal with pain?

Energetically, pain resembles stagnant energy—a place where things are no longer in motion or have slowed down too much. This slowing can happen gradually, but it is also a fact of life; as we age, for example, we naturally slow down. When things slow beyond their natural pace, we can become stuck, lacking the momentum to speed up again. If your anger slows down, there comes a point when you can’t move it using your usual methods. If you can’t move it, you become stuck in it and angry all the time. This process applies to other types of energy as well: physical pain, your intent, your will, your dreams.

Our minds can be crafty; they influence how we perceive pain until we shut down completely and become too afraid to move. I’ve known people who stay home for months at a time, and I’m not judging—just stating a fact. In simple terms: moving is life; stagnation is death. Pain can be many things: a signal to pay attention to something, a nexus point where many issues intersect. You must be willing to unknit these complexities until you find the root cause to address it. Pain can also be a distraction from something more significant, and recognizing the function of pain within ourselves is knowledge we can use to help others.

The path to healing involves learning from where you are, understanding why you are there, and creating movements little by little in different directions than your usual patterns. This means moving your emotions again, your intent, your will, and your dreams. Movement is your birthright; you are, by nature, a mover. Makers are energy movers.

So, pain is a crack in the mind's plan. Yes, it can stop you, but only if you agree to it. Change that agreement, and your healing begins—one step at a time, little by little—until your energy flows like a thriving river. My teacher likes to say, “Dream me a river…” When your energy becomes a river, it will flow, guided by your intent and will. How does it feel to be a river in the world?

There is much more to say and discover, but I will stop here for now.

I hope you’ll consider signing up for classes.

Christian

Welcome to the new caveshamans class site, a sister site to shamanscave.com The blogs from shamanscave have been moved here and new material is being added.

Why the new site? Shamanscave is still there of course, so why add another one. My reasoning is pretty simple, we just needed more room to focus on our students and foster a better sense of commnunity, with class channels, video, conferencing, new material and our european class offerings. Shamanscave.com was originally created as a purely informational site with some additional bells and whistles, but while it undergoes rennovation to finish the process of converting the old site to the newest standards I felt it was time for caveshamans to reappear.

While shamanscave.com is celebrating its 25th year online, caveshamans has been around for almost 20 years  and was the original site for students at shamanscave. What is old is new again as they say. We're excited about new ways to communicate with our students and the public, but shamanscave.com will remain as it was originally intended as an informational site and contact point for those searching for answers on their spritual journey.

Enjoy the new site and content and I hope we will see you come back as new material is added and new ways to communicate.

Gary Mills/niteshad